Stop Dimming Your Light

Why Self-Advocacy Changes Everything

For most of my career, I believed that my inner critic was my greatest asset.

This harsh internal voice constantly pushed me to work harder, achieve more, and excel in every aspect of my professional life. It was the driving force that propelled me through medical school, into leadership positions at major pharmaceutical companies, and eventually to founding and leading my own biotech organizations.

But what I didn’t realize was that this same voice—the one I thought was pushing me toward success—was actually creating my own internal glass ceiling.

The Hidden Cost of Self-Doubt

We’re all familiar with the concept of the glass ceiling—that invisible barrier preventing women and underrepresented groups from advancing to the highest levels of organizations. What we talk about less often is the internal glass ceiling many of us construct within ourselves.

As women, particularly women of color and immigrants, we’ve been conditioned to believe we need to prove ourselves constantly. We’ve been taught that our value lies in how well we serve others, how flawlessly we perform, and how little space we take up.

This conditioning manifests as a persistent inner critic that constantly questions our worth:

“Who do I think I am?”

“Do I deserve to be here?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t really be a board member…”

“Why don’t people believe in me?”

These thoughts aren’t just annoying mental chatter—they actively drain our energy, diminish our confidence, and limit our ability to lead effectively. They keep us trapped in a cycle of seeking external validation, often at the expense of our wellbeing and authentic leadership style.

The Transformation Begins Within

The turning point in my career came not from an external promotion or achievement, but from an internal shift in how I related to myself.

I realized that I had been my own harshest critic, relentlessly judging myself by impossible standards I would never apply to others. I was constantly trying to please everyone else—my colleagues, my board, my family—while neglecting to consider what I needed to thrive.

The words of Maya Angelou became my guiding light: “I learned a long time ago that the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side.”

Being on your own side means:

• Advocating for yourself with the same conviction you would for a colleague you admire
• Setting boundaries that honor your time, energy, and wellbeing
• Celebrating your achievements rather than dismissing them
• Speaking to yourself with the compassion you would offer a dear friend
• Recognizing that your worth isn’t tied to your productivity or others’ opinions

This shift doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a practice that requires constant attention and renewal. But the results are transformative.

Making Servant Leadership Sustainable

I’ve always valued servant leadership—the philosophy that effective leaders prioritize serving others. But I’ve come to understand that this approach becomes problematic when it comes at the expense of our own wellbeing.

True servant leadership isn’t about sacrificing yourself to the point of depletion. It’s about showing up as your best, most authentic self so you can effectively serve your organization’s mission and support those around you.

Think of it like the safety instructions on an airplane: you must secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. If you’re running on empty, you simply can’t lead effectively.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Advocacy

When I founded the Biotech CEO Sisterhood, something remarkable happened. For the first time in my career, I walked into a room of business leaders and felt completely at ease. I was surrounded by talented, accomplished women who understood my journey because they had lived it themselves.

In that space, I didn’t have to spend precious energy proving my worth or defending my right to be there. I could simply focus on the work at hand and on supporting my fellow leaders.

This experience showed me what’s possible when we create environments where everyone feels they belong. And it starts with belonging to ourselves first.

When we truly value ourselves, we:

1. Make better decisions. We’re less likely to take on projects out of obligation or fear, and more likely to pursue opportunities that align with our strengths and values.
2. Lead more authentically. We stop trying to mimic others’ leadership styles and instead develop approaches that reflect our unique perspectives and strengths.
3. Set healthier boundaries. We recognize that saying “no” to some things allows us to say “yes” to what matters most.
4. Inspire others. When we honor our own worth, we give others permission to do the same.
5. Create lasting change. By modeling self-advocacy, we help reshape organizational cultures to be more inclusive and supportive.

Practical Steps to Become Your Own Advocate

Changing deeply ingrained patterns of self-criticism isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely possible. Here are some practices that have helped me and many leaders I’ve mentored:

1. Recognize your inner critic

Start by simply noticing when your inner critic speaks up. What situations trigger self-doubt? What phrases does this voice use? Awareness is the first step toward change.

2. Challenge negative self-talk

When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and ask: “Would I say this to a colleague I respect? Would I say this to my daughter?” If not, you’ve identified an opportunity to practice self-compassion.

3. Document your achievements

Keep a “success journal” where you record your accomplishments, big and small. Review it regularly, especially before negotiations or performance reviews.

4. Practice receiving compliments

Instead of deflecting praise with “It was nothing” or “I just got lucky,” simply say “Thank you.” Let positive feedback sink in.

5. Surround yourself with mirrors

Find people who reflect your capabilities back to you—mentors, sponsors, peers, and friends who see your potential and aren’t afraid to remind you of it.

6. Negotiate with confidence

Research shows that women who negotiate their salaries earn significantly more over their careers than those who don’t. Remember that asking for what you’re worth isn’t selfish; it’s good business.

7. Make time for self-care

Prioritize activities that replenish your energy and connect you with your values. This isn’t indulgent; it’s essential for sustainable leadership.

A New Definition of Success

For too long, many of us have defined success by how well we meet others’ expectations and how much we can accomplish without complaint. This definition has left countless brilliant women exhausted, unfulfilled, and operating far below their potential.

I propose a new definition: Success means living and leading from a place of authenticity, creating value in a way that honors your unique gifts, and inspiring others to do the same.

When we learn to be on our own side, we discover that we’re capable of far more than we ever imagined—not because we’re pushing ourselves harder, but because we’re finally allowing ourselves to shine.

This Women’s History Month, I invite you to take the first step toward becoming your own greatest advocate. The world needs your authentic leadership now more than ever.