The Art of Seeing Others

My husband may not be the most amazing gift-giver, but he has a particular superpower: Year after year, he finds me the coziest, fluffiest blankets he can get his hands on. Not jewelry. Not gadgets. Not the kind of gifts that announce themselves at a dinner party. Just impossibly soft blankets that turn our home into a sanctuary.

He noticed that after long days of board meetings, investor calls, and the particular intensity that comes with building companies and leading teams, I need to come home to warmth and softness. To a place where I can let my guard down completely. Those blankets create a haven where I can reset, recharge, and show up fully for myself and others. 

That’s what it feels like to be truly seen. And it’s changed how I think about seeing others.

When Gifts Miss the Mark

We’ve all received them—gifts that say more about the giver than the recipient. The cookbook for someone who doesn’t know the difference between a cast iron and a crockpot. The gym membership for someone who’d rather work out in the comfort of their own home. The “aspirational” present that suggests you should be someone other than who you are.

These gifts aren’t malicious. They often come from genuine care. But they reveal something important: it’s surprisingly difficult to set aside our own preferences, assumptions, and hopes long enough to see someone clearly—and to show them that we know who they really are.

The same thing happens in leadership, in mentorship, in any relationship where we’re trying to support someone’s growth. We give advice that works for us. We push people toward opportunities that we would have wanted. We reflect back what we think they should become rather than helping them see who they actually are.

The Practice of Observation

My husband’s blankets represent something I’ve spent years learning to do in my work: the practice of paying attention to what people actually need, not what I think they should need.

When you’re building a company or leading a team, this skill becomes essential. You learn to notice when someone’s energy shifts. When they light up talking about certain projects and go quiet about others. When they need support versus when they need space. When they’re hungry for a challenge versus when they’re already stretched too thin.

The best leaders I know—and the best mentors, partners, and friends—are master observers. They don’t project. They don’t assume. They watch, they listen, and they adjust their support accordingly.

It’s not complicated, but it requires something rare: the willingness to make it about the other person entirely.

What It Means to Be Someone’s Mirror

In writing The Mirror Effect, I explored how crucial it is to find people who reflect your actual strengths and blind spots—not people who just tell you what you want to hear. The right mirrors help you see yourself clearly so you can grow authentically.

But here’s what I’ve realized: being that kind of mirror for someone else is one of the most profound gifts you can give.

When you truly see someone—when you notice what brings them peace, what energizes them, what they need to feel supported—you give them permission to be exactly who they are. You create space for them to stop performing and start recovering. To stop striving and start being.

Those blankets tell me: I see how hard you work. I see what you carry. And I want you to have softness waiting for you when you come home.

The Leadership Lesson

This translates directly into how we lead and mentor. The women and men I work with through my companies and professional organizations and the people I mentor don’t all need the same thing. Some need tough love and high expectations. Others need reassurance that they’re already enough. Some thrive with structure and clear direction. Others need room to figure things out on their own.

The gift isn’t in having one perfect approach. It’s in being observant enough to know what each person actually needs—and generous enough to give them that rather than what’s easiest for you to provide.

When someone on your team is struggling, the question isn’t “What would I do in this situation?” It’s “What does this specific person need right now?” When you’re mentoring someone, it’s not about making them a copy of you. It’s about helping them become the fullest version of themselves.

Small Acts, Big Impact

Here’s the thing about those blankets: they’re not grand gestures. They don’t cost a fortune. They don’t come with impressive stories attached.

But they’ve created something invaluable—a home where I can fully exhale. Where the demands of leadership and entrepreneurship can fall away for a few hours. Where I can be warm, safe, and seen.

The best gifts—whether physical objects or acts of support—do exactly this. They don’t try to change someone. They honor who that person already is and what they genuinely need.

The Gift of Being Seen

I keep those blankets everywhere—draped over the couch, folded at the foot of the bed, tucked into my favorite reading chair.That feeling is what I want to give others, whether through a physical gift, a well-timed word of encouragement, or the way I show up as a leader and mentor.

Because at the end of the day, the best gift isn’t about the object at all. It’s about the message underneath: I see you. The real you. And that’s exactly who I’m celebrating.